I set up this vox blog today because I need to talk about things, but there's no one to talk to. I need to get things out of my head, so this is my venue of choice.
It's been 713 long, hard days since I trusted a man who couldn't be trusted and lost my children as a result. Almost 2 years. 2 years of immense hell. Hell that I think there's not another person on this earth who could possibly understand.
See, I have three wonderful kids - 2 girls and a boy. On April 10, 2006 - the day our lives were drastically thrust into the lowest echelons of Hell - my eldest daughter was 9, the middle girl was 7, and my little boy was 5. It's a hard story to tell, because I carry nothing but immense guilt. Guilt that makes me not able to move my muscles, guilt that has me bent over wracked with tears, guilt that eats at my body and soul. Guilt that makes me unable to utter anything about the whole story. But it's time I at least tried, because it's destroying me, literally. My children have been hurt, and are being hurt to this day, both psychologically and physically, in such deep and horrible ways. And I can't seem to be able to help them, although I've tried everything I can think of.
This story should be a lesson to other women who don't trust or love themselves enough and allow themselves to fall victim to men (or people) who take advantage of their vulnerabilities, treat them badly, and use them. I didn't see my relationship for what it was until it was far too late. I wish I could warn other women not to fall in the same trap. Their consequences might not turn out to be as severe as mine, but believe me, there are always consequences. Life-long consequences.
It's a very difficult story to tell, as I said, so it'll take some time to tell most of it. I'm sure it will be disjointed and not in chronological order, because some things are so much harder to talk about than others. But it's time to tell the story.
