4 posts tagged “parental kidnapping”

The quest to get my kids home had failed, and I had to return the kids to their father's house in Sanaa. We got a ride and sat through the 7-hour ride back to Sanaa in quiet with heavy hearts. As a mother, I couldn't imagine having to send my kids back to a place they hated so badly, but there were no other options left. When we arrived in the city, we went to a restaurant that had a playground. We got something to eat, and then I called Ahmed, telling him where to pick up the children. I took the kids in the back to the playground, and I sat and watched them play for the last time.

Kids are amazing. They knew what was coming, but for that short time, they were fully involved in their play, and they were happy. I heard, "Mama, watch me slide down the slide!" with a big smile on their faces. I pushed them on the swings and listened to them squeal with delight. I wanted to be with them forever, and to spend as many years as possible making them smile like that. But, of course, it only lasted for less than an hour. Then their father came to pick them up.

He brought his brother with him to get the kids. Once the kids and I got in the car, reality hit them - hard. They started crying uncontrollably, and my oldest daughter kept grabbing for my hand to hold it. Ahmed kept pulling her hand off of mine and told her to quit touching me, that I was bad and was out to hurt them. Of course they knew that wasn't true, but he wouldn't let them speak to me in the car or touch me. We sat and cried by ourselves, without being able to speak to each other or touch each other. I wanted so much to grab them and hug them and tell them how much I loved them and how wonderful they were, but now they were in his territory, and that meant they had to abide by his belief that I was evil and shouldn't be touched or spoken to.

Ahmed told me that I was not allowed in or near his house and that I would never see the children again. He said that I had "embarrassed" him and his family by taking the kids. He couldn't care less about how the children felt. He cared about what damage his reputation might have suffered since his wife had taken his children out without his permission.

He took the children to his house, and he put me in a hotel. He told me there was an arrest warrant out for me, and that I would get arrested if seen on the street, so he told me to not go outside because he had the police watching. He said that I would get sentenced to at least 5 years in jail for kidnapping. I told him I didn't care. He had already done the worst he could possibly do. He took my children away from me, and instead of loving them and treating them well, he spent his days hurting them in so many ways. There was nothing more he could possibly do to me that would be any worse, and the prospect of spending years in a Yemeni jail didn't bother me in the least.

He didn't have me arrested, for some reason, but I spent the next two weeks in that hotel room, trying to get money wired to me to buy a plane ticket to go home. He would come every day to bring me some food and let me know just how much he hated me and how hard he was trying to convince the children how horrible I was and what a bad mother I was. He rarely brought the kids to see me in that hotel room, but he did bring them a couple times. When they were there, they weren't allowed to speak to me or hug me. They had to sit in the corner while he made them repeat sentences like, "My mother is bad and she doesn't care about me", etc. Seeing them sit there and suffer and cry was absolutely horrible. Oh my God, I can't tell you how much I love those three children.

Two weeks later, I received the money and bought a plane ticket home. He took me to the airport, and he wouldn't let the kids come to say goodbye. I got on the plane and cried myself halfway around the world to America.

After arriving home, I tried to call them. He told me that he was going to disconnect the home phone so I couldn't call the kids anymore. He said that he would place the children with a family in the rural areas or in Pakistan so that I'd never be able to find them again. I tried my best to apologize to him and do whatever he wanted, so that I could still talk to my kids. I sent him $2000.00. He got angry and retorted, "We don't want your money. I'm sending it back!". He kept the money, but he never told the kids that I sent it. So I bought the kids a bunch of toys and games and some new clothes and shoes for each of them, and I sent them via DHL. He got even angrier. "Don't send them anything! They don't need anything from you! The next time you send something, I won't go pick it up". I later called and got to talk to the kids while he was at work, and I found out that he had given most of the gifts away, instead of giving them to my kids. He let them see them first, though, then he took them and gave them away.

It has been 5 months since I got back from Yemen. I still call every week, and he hasn't disconnected the home phone yet. When I call, he has to stand there and monitor everything I or the kids say, which means that no one is allowed to say anything except, "I love and miss you", but I'm grateful to be able to hear their voices. For the first 4 months, my oldest daughter refused to speak to me or get on the phone at all. She was so angry at me for failing to fulfill my promise to get her home where she desperately wants to be. The last three times I called, though, I got to hear her voice. I've tried to be civil and nice to him, but all he can do is be mean and nasty. He often takes the phone from the kids and starts telling me how horrible I am, how hard he is working to convince the children that I abandoned them, etc. Then I just hang up, because I refuse to pay to listen to a bunch of nasty lies from a man who cares about nothing except himself and what people in his community think of him. That is the only motivation he has - to make people think he's this awesome man who will one day die and get the highest level in Heaven for being so wonderful. He works very hard to look good and dress well, and to say and do whatever people would expect a wealthy, upstanding citizen to do. He is a deceiver.

But this story isn't about him. It's about a mother's love for her children, and, more importantly, it's about three wonderful children who have so much joy and intelligence to share wth this world, but who are being brainwashed and tortured on a daily basis. It's not his story - it's ours.

I admitted defeat. I couldn't get my kids out of Yemen and back home to America. Without money for food and water and a place to stay, I had no choice but to take them back to their father's house. But there was no more money for a 7-hour taxi ride back to Sanaa, either. I needed to find help.

I went to the United Nations High Commission for Refugees (UNHCR) office. I told them the story ofhow my kids had been kidnapped, how they were abused, how I had tried to contact my embassy for help but was told to leave and not come back, and how I had tried to get them out by Sea to the American Embassy in Djibouti. I told them that there was no money, no food, no water, no transportation, and no help. I asked to apply for asylum, since my own government was completely unwilling to help me in any way. I told them how David Fuller at the US Embassy had copies of my custody papers, the arrest warrant out on my husband, how they knew my husband had gone on trial in the United States for being involved in al-qaeda, and how David Fuller saw the bruises all over my children and listened as they told him of their daily beatings. I also told them how he had taken money from my husband and destroyed my kids passports and told me I was not allowed in the US Embassy again.

The UNHCR helped me fill out the asylum application, and they provided us with a place to stay and food to eat. But the next day, they said to me, "We called the US Embassy and asked them to help. They said "We know about Michele. There is no problem. She's only seeking attention. Don't help her". The UNHCR told me that, without any assistance or cooperation from the US government, there was nothing they could do for us. They said we could stay in the place where they put us for another three days, but then we would have to leave and we would again be out on our own.

I told the kids what had happened and told them how very sorry I was. I spent the next three days savoring every single moment with my kids. I knew that now there was a very good chance that I was going to go to jail in Yemen for a long time, or at the very least, I would never be allowed to see them again - ever. During the next three days, I didn't even want to sleep. When they were sleeping, I just wanted to stare at their beautiful faces so that I would have every feature, every little gesture indelibly imprinted in my mind. I memorized every feature, every mannerism. I couldn't stand the thought of being separated from them ever again, but the reality was upon me. I spent every second soaking up their wonder, their beauty, the sounds of their voices, and all the things about them that I knew I was about to lose the chance to maybe ever see again.

The UNHCR employee who had helped us came to me one evening, with her hands shaking. She said, "Your husband called me on my personal cell phone. How could he have gotten my personal cell phone number? There's no way he could have gotten that number". She had used her cellphone when she called the US Embassy, however, and we discovered that David Fuller at the US Embassy had called my husband as soon as he got off the phone with this lady from the UNHCR, told my husband where I was at and that I had sought help at the UNHCR, and he also gave my husband this lady's personal cell phone number.

My husband had called her and threatened her. She was so shaken that her hands will still shaking when she came to see me. She said, "Your husband is highly connected. He has the vice president of Yemen at his house right now. He has people at the US Embassy working for him. He has a copy of the cell phone agreement for that cell phone you bought and have carried with you, and he has a record of all calls made from that phone. He has the entire Yemeni military out looking for you. He was very mean and threatening to me on the phone, Michele, and I have a family to think about. I have children and a husband. He was very mean and he scared me. I told my boss about what he said to me, but when your husband talks to men, he is very calm and professional and convincing, so my boss can't see that this is a very dangerous man. I have to cut all ties to you. I can't jeopardize my family. Your husband scares me." I knew what she was talking about. I know my husband very well and how he can manipulate anyone into believing whatever it is he wants them to believe. And I know how he can scare and threaten and intimidate - especially women, who he thinks are lower than pond scum on the evolutionary tree. She provided us with a ride back to Sanaa, so the kids and I got in the car and headed back to Hell. Less than a month later, the lady at the UNHCR transferred to another job in another country outside of Yemen. I'd be willing to bet that my husband had something to do with that....

We arrived at Bab al-Mandeb at 10:30 pm. Upon arrival, I discovered why the taxi company gave us so much trouble about taking us there. There was nothing there. Well, there was one lonely gas station with about 6 men sitting outside it. That was it. I couldn't find any houses. There were no hotels or anyplace to get food. There was only this little gas station. The taxi driver stopped and announced that we had arrived. I asked him to find a hotel. He asked the men at the gas station, and they told him there were no hotels. The men at the gas station couldn't understand why a woman and her three children were getting off in their area. I don't think they had ever had any foreigners in their area before. But, I was determined to get to Djibouti, and according to Google Earth, this was the closest launching point. So the taxi driver dropped us off and left us standing there in the pitch-black darkness.

I had three large suitcases with me. One contained the 50-pound boat tubes, one contained the life jackets and water containers, and the other contained a change of clothes for the kids. Since there was nowhere to go and it was too black to see any water (or anything for that matter), I knew we couldn't do anything until the sun came up in the morning. So, I grabbed the bags and started dragging them as we walked down the desolate road. I just wanted to get away from the 6 men at the gas station who were visibly shaken about our arrival. I figured we could get away from the men and just lay down and sleep next to the road until morning came and we could see something and find the Red Sea. It was so hot and arid, however, that it was a very slow process trying to drag those three bags down the road.

After about 15 minutes, one of the men from the gas station came running down the road after us. He was saying something, but even my daughter couldn't figure out what he was saying. He grabbed the big suitcase that had the boat in it and started walking back toward the gas station. I kept trying to tell him, "No! It's okay!", but the only word I know in Arabic is "Tamaam", which means "Okay". I needed that boat, so we had to follow him. All I could think of was that now we were getting kidnapped. Everyone had warned me about how the tribes kidnap any foreigners they find, and we were definitely in tribe country. But without that boat, we weren't going anywhere anyway, so we followed him back to the gas station.

The man put the suitcase in a room in the gas station and motioned for us to go in. At this point, my daughter figured out that the man was telling us that we could spend the night in there. It was dirty and full of really huge bugs, but I was very grateful. After seeing the size of the bugs in that room, I could just imagine what bugs and creatures might be out there on the side of the road in the pitch-black darkness. At least here, we had light and could keep an eye on the bugs. We laid down the bags to use as a pillow, and we laid down to sleep on the floor of that gas station.

I hate bugs. I'm terrified of bugs. And to my dismay, I discovered a large orange spider in the corner of the room. He was larger than my hand, and he was quite mobile. Everytime I tried to close my eyes to rest, I could only imagine that huge monster crawling on me or my my kids, so I didn't get any sleep that night. I had to keep watch for him. There were a lot of other bugs crawling around in that room, but that spider was definitely my worst enemy at that point. But, the kids were able to get some sleep, so I was grateful.

When the sun rose in the morning, I looked out the back window of our room, and I saw the Red Sea no more than 100 feet behind the gas station. I was elated We made it and now we were going to go to Djibouti! The kids woke up, and we gathered our things, ready to hike to the water and launch the boat. But, the men at the gas station had other plans.

As I opened the door to leave the room and go to the water, the men from the gas station were there. They were angry and yelling, and they grabbed my bags. I tried to take them back, but I couldn't say anything to them because I didn't speak Arabic. My daughter told me what they were saying, as much as she could understand. She said, "Mama. We have to leave. They are very angry that you are here. They said they've called the military police and the police are coming. We can't stay here. They want us to go NOW". As she was telling me this, the men loaded my bags into a little minibus outside and motioned for us to get in. Unable to speak to them, I couldn't argue. The kids and I climbed into their minibus, and the man started driving. We had no idea where we were going, but we drove for an hour and a half. The heat was indescribable. It was so hot that it just sucked all ability to move out of you, and you had to force yourself to inhale every breath, because the air was so hot it burned your nostrils. It sucked all energy and life right out of you. During the entire drive, there was not one house to be seen, not one person anywhere in sight - nothing but rolling desert. It was the most desolate and hottest place I had ever seen.

Finally, we came to a place where there were a few buildings. We found out that this was the town called al-Mocha. As soon as we came to the border, the driver motioned for us to get out, so we took our bags and got out. He promptly left, leaving us standing there on the side of the road. We walked up to the only building within walking distance, and there was an old sign laying on the ground that had English words on it. It said, "Tourist Hotel". I was so happy. I figured we could get a room, maybe cool down a little, get some water to drink, and then set out to look for the Red Sea, which was now nowhere to be found. I entered the hotel.

The man asked me where I was from. I was told to always say that your from Australia or England because they really hate Americans there, so I told him I was from Australia. I asked for a room. He demanded to see my passport. I tried to tell him I didn't have it with me, but he wouldn't let me get a room without seeing it, and he kept fighting wth me. Finally, I took my passport and handed it to him. He saw "United States of America" on the cover, and he started yelling and motioning for me to get out. I stayed, thinking this could be resolved. I wanted to just hand him some money and get a room, but he came around and grabbed my arm and pushed me out the door, and the other man who was standing next to him threw my bags out after us.

Now we were in the middle of nowhere, in unbearable heat, with no water and no food, and with no energy to move, let alone walk around dragging three heavy bags with us. I couldn't see the Red Sea anywhere, and I couldn't see anywhere to walk to where we might be able to find food or water. The heat had sucked all energy out of us, so we stood there outside that hotel on the side of the road. We waited for a taxi to come by to take us somewhere else. We waited for two hours, but the road was as desolate as the desert we had come through. No taxis, no anything. We needed water to drink, and I couldn't let the kids stand there in that heat with no food or water. I figured we had no choice but to go back to Aden. Aden was at least 150 miles across the Red Sea from Djibouti, but we couldn't launch from here - we couldn't find the Sea here. And the longer we stood there in that searing heat with no water, the quicker we were going to succumb. So, I called the taxi driver back in Aden who had driven us to Bab al-Mandeb and asked if he would come and take us back to Aden. He said he would, but since it was a 5-hour drive to get to where we were, we would have to wait about 5 hours. So, we sat in the sun on the side of the road for 5 hours until the taxi driver came back and picked us up.

We got back to Aden that evening, although we had some trouble getting through the military checkpoints on the way back. At two checkpoints, the military stopped us and argued with the taxi driver for over 30 minutes. The military didn't want to let us through, and I got very scared, since we had no travel papers. Luckily, though, the taxi driver eventually succeeded in getting us through and back to the city. Once there, I got a hotel room so we could shower, cool off, get something to eat and drink, and get our energy back. The kids were happy to be out of the searing heat, and elated because the hotel had a pool where they could go swimming.

I was extremely worried at this point, and my intense worry took a toll on me. Instead of enjoying the time I had with my kids, I was too preoccupied with finding out how we could get across the Red Sea from here. It was way too far from Djibouti (over 150 miles on the Red Sea). The military heavily patrolled this port city, and foreigners were not allowed in the water without armed police escorts. When we launched, we couldn't be seen by anyone, or else we would be arrested and it would be over. We were completely out of money. All the taxi rides and water and food had used every bit of money I had left. I was so worried, that I didn't enjoy the wonder of my children. They had believed in me. They were counting on me. They wholeheartedly believde that this was it - I was taking them home to America, and they were full of joy and exuberance. To them, their long nightmare was almost over, and they talked excitedly about what they were going to do as soon as they got home. They fought over who was going to sleep with our dog, they talkedabout going to Burger King and eating a whopper, which they missed the most, and they talked about how they were going to decorate their bedrooms. All I could think of was "How can I get them home now?"

The next day, there was no more money for anymore hotels or food. The money was gone. I sat down with the kids and told them that I didn't know how we were going to get home from here. I told them we were out of money, which meant I couldn't even buy water to drink or get a hotel room. I told them, "If we launchfrom here, there's a good chance we will die. The sharks areintense here, and they kill hundreds of Somali refugees each year. Then there's the Somali pirates that flood this area that kidnap boats and throw the people overboard. And without any kind of navigational devices, we could go out into the Sea and get lost and never find Djibouti. I don't believe in the word "can't", but I didn't bring you here to die. Maybe we just can't make it home. Maybe I'll have to return you to your father's house".

The kids freaked out. My daughters said to me over and over, "We don't care. Let's go. We can't go back to his house. You don't know how horrible it is. At least we'll die together. We don't care. We just want to be with you, and if we all die, then we die together. Don't give up, Mama. Let's launch the boat. Let's GO!" Hearing the fear and despair in your own children, knwoing that they'd rather die than go back to live with their father has a profound effect on a mother. So, I decided that we'd try to launch. We went down to the beach and sat. We surveyed the area and waited until nightfall so all the people would leave and we could launch without being seen. Night came, the people thinned out, but there were still people on the beach long into the night. But, we had no more money and no food, so we had to launch - regardless. We inflated the two boat tubes and tied them together with rope. We put it in the water and got on. We tried to launch, but the waves were huge and the boat wouldn't stay steady. It was sodark you couldn't see your own hand in front of your face. The tubes were swaying so badly that my littleboy couldn't stay on the boat. And this was right next to the shore. Imagine what the waves would be like out in the open Sea! There was no way to cross the Sea on these two inflatable tubes. No way whatsoever. We got out of the water, deflated the tubes, and went back to spend the night on the beach.

The next morning, I explained to the kids that there was no way to get to Djibouti from here on our inflatable tubes. They were sad and upset. Their dreams of going home and eating whoppers and playing with the dog vaporized. Worse than that, they knew that if they went back to their father's house that it would be even worse for them than it was before, because their father had told them to never go with me (after I took them and ran the previous summer), and they knew they would get beaten for having gone with me. I was devastated. They believed in me. I had believed that we would get home. And now I had let them down. I failed them.

When I was around 18, I made a promise to myself. I swore that I would live life deliberately so that when I got older, I wouldn’t have any regrets. Well, now I’m in my late 30’s, and I was doing well with that promise until I trusted my husband. Now I have several regrets, and these regrets are HUGE.

They say hindsight is 20/20, and it’s certainly true. Knowing what I know now, I regret staying with my husband and standing up and fighting for him, even though he was mean and abusive. I regret that I didn’t get out and walk away sooner.

Everyone lives and learns from their experiences, so that isn’t really my biggest regret. My biggest regrets have to do with my children. When my children were young, I was severely stressed out, and in reality, it had nothing to do with them. I was so frustrated and angry at my husband, and I let it seep out in my interactions with my children.

One incident is indelibly imprinted in my mind. When my oldest daughter was 3 years old, she was, even then, very advanced. One morning, I had not slept much the night before, and as a result, I wouldn’t get out of bed. She decided that she wanted to help me, and she went into the kitchen and cooked scrambled eggs. She knew she wasn’t allowed to touch a hot pan, so after she cooked them, she came to me in bed. She kept trying to wake me up, and I got angry that she was waking me up. I’ve always hated to be woken up when I’m so very tired.

I’ll never forget that moment. She crawled up on the bed and kept shaking me to wake up. I looked at her big, brown eyes staring down at me, and she was so excited as she said, “Mama, I made you some eggs. Can you get the pan off the stove for me because it’s hot”. God knows I will never understand why I did what I did. I was half awake, and I was angry for having been awakened (which is no excuse). I grabbed her by the arm, yelled at her for waking me up, carried her to the kitchen, yelling all the way about how tired I was and how she should know better than to wake me up, etc. When I got to the kitchen, I impetuously grabbed the pan of scrambled eggs that she had so carefully created - and I THREW IT ACROSS THE ROOM! The eggs went flying all over the floor, and I will never, ever forget the horrified look on her face. She started crying and ran away, and I went back to bed.

She remembers that incident to this very day, and she has mentioned it to me more than once. I wish to God I could take it back. I wish I could understand why, in that moment, I let my own selfish needs supercede her need for love and approval.

Now my daughter is gone. I would give my life in an instant if I could just see her or hug her or tell her how special she is and how much I love her. I may never get that chance, but neither can I ever remove that memory from her mind - or mine.

As parents, sometimes we get frustrated or tired and we react to our children in a way that is NOT what they deserve. Even though my actions and my state of mind had nothing to do with my daughter, her reaction was one of utter rejection. I made her feel bad about herself. I will never forgive myself for that.

You never know what tomorrow may bring or how long you get to hold on to your child. My advice to all parents would be to cherish each and every moment. Make them feel loved and valued each and every day. Don’t take your personal problems out on them.

My children are gone, and I am left with that memory and that intense regret.

Mostly, I’ve loved and cherished my children every day of their lives, but there were times when I’d get so frustrated and tired, and I’d snap at them for no reason. Those are the moments I remember the most. I would do anything to take them back, but I can’t. I see parents in stores these days with their own children, and sometimes I see them get frustrated when the child is aking for things. I see the parents get snappy and yell or even hit their child. It’s those times I just want to run up to the parent and say, “Be patient with them. Hug them. Tell them in a nice way that you just can’t get that for them right now. They might be gone tomorrow and these are the memories you will have”. But of course, I can’t tell anyone else how to interact with their children, so I keep my mouth shut.

I broke my promise to myself. I definitely have regrets.